I got your message today, amma. Mrs. Feliciano, who was seated at 5C today on my LAX-MNL flight was very kind to deliver it for you.
I'm sorry that I didn't really listen to her sooner; that you had something to say. Though I know it's no excuse, it was hell as soon as we started boarding. Like every passenger wanted something done right away.
Yes, I slept the entire afternoon for this leg, amma. After getting mom's Costco bilins done, I cleaned up, packed, and slept right away.
We spent an hour in traffic going to the airport, that we had to rush EVERYTHING once we got there.
Meal ordertaking was kinda stressful; we had predicted that one of the choices would run out first: chicken. And true enough, it already ran out when I asked your friend what her choice for dinner was.
She was very disappointed, amma. She could only eat fish and chicken, and there was no fish entree in the dinner menu. I could only manage to say "sorry". Your friend was telling me to do something about it, so I said I that I would try, but can make no promises. She went on on how her son takes care of her, and at that time he won't be able to travel with her, so he paid for a business class seat to make sure she'll be taken care of. I was only half listening at that time, and just repeated that I would try, since I felt a bit annoyed that I haven't finished doing anything yet, and that my colleagues were nearly done with their areas. I'm sure she felt bad about it, and I thought I was too busy to worry about it as of the moment, so I let her be and took care of the others' dinner for the meantime.
I know, amma. I'm not proud of it either.
After the safety demo, I actually felt quite guilty about it and offered her something off the crew's menu; this time really making an effort to apologize and explain that though the meal might not be up to her standards, it would be something she could eat, and that I promised her that I would make her bawi come breakfast service. I really couldn't bear the thought of her going to bed hungry, just because we ran out of choices.
Her face lit up, amma. I didn't think it would mean that much to her. And I really thought nothing about it after, just happy that she didn't feel bad anymore; happy that I didn't feel horrible about myself anymore.
I know I prayed before going to sleep on my crew rest, amma. I also know it was something standard that I pray whenever I'm about to go to sleep, but too tired or jaded to mean what I pray.
So yes, after I said "Amen," I just played Anima Christi on my iPhone, stuck in my earphones, and slept. When my alarm rang, I just said a standard "thank you", fixed my stuff (and myself), and went down for breakfast service.
It was still dark in the cabin when I heard "you", amma. In a voice I have not heard since you left in 2007, I thought I heard you call me. "Frances?"
I looked around and saw Mrs. Feliciano smiling at me. I was holding back tears when I smiled back and said, "yes, ma'am?"
That moment, amma, I realized that she spoke like you. She somehow looked like you, moved about like you, dressed like you. And when I made good with my word that I'd make bawi for breakfast service, she said, "thank you for taking care of me, Frances."
When she was handing something to me, I insisted not to accept, so she hid it in one of the linens whilst I was clearing her table, and put it on top of my full tray. And whilst I was tidying up, I discovered what she hid. And when I went to her to say thank you, and tried to tell her that she didn't have to give something, because I really loved tending to her, she said something that really brought me to tears. And I'm sorry that I kinda cried in front of her.
"...isipin mo nalang hija, gift mo yan from lola..."
Because it was something you would give me, amma. And I had to explain why I was looking like an emotional wreck, crying in front of her, and she just smiled and gave me the longest hug; the one I have always missed from you. And for a moment, it felt that you were here again.
Thank you for making me feel that I am still somebody's favourite; your favourite, even though you're not here anymore. Thank you for the timing; it was very unexpected, yet you probably knew that I needed to be reminded of it at that moment, especially that I was already starting to feel "dead", that I question why I care too much about stuff. Or people. Even the ones not related to me. And to the point that I've started deciding not to care.
Thank you for answering why I care too much. It's what made me love my job in the first place.
In the end, only kindness matters. I wouldn't have heard you today if I have been kind of an asshole.
And I'm so thankful that you made Mrs. Feliciano read my ID, which displayed my first name as Frances, instead of my name plate that read "C."
I promise to be prepared the next time, amma. I'll bring your favourite dried mangoes.
Until then, I will miss you again very much.
By the way, amma, I love the purse you sent me. I will always use it on my flights.
I love you.
Frances.
P.S. Mikee REALLY needs help in Spanish, amma. Like, seriously. Have you heard her?
No comments:
Post a Comment